itskayemiranda

Text

Review: New Moon

So, first and foremost, I just have to say that I already made a review (a lengthy one) but the browser experienced some problems and I couldn’t retrieve it. Stupid tumblr. Why didn’t I write one in notepad and save it? Stupid me.

Rant over. Now, to the review.

So, I watched the movie last night with my friends with absolutely no expectations because a lot of people said that the movie sucked. To some degree, I did have expectations, but they were kept way down low.

Eventhough my hopes for the movie (albeit, really low hopes), I have to say that I wasn’t that much entertained by the movie itself. The entertainment I got was from the killer shirtless sight of Taylor Lautner (Jacob), that long-haired-man-turned-wolf-turns-to-shirtless-man.

Thank God for Jacob’s and his other wolf friend’s bodies, I seriously would’ve dozed off the film. That would be the second time I would’ve fallen asleep in a cinema, if ever. The first one being George Clooney’s The Perfect Storm.

I could just count one, two, three reasons why the movie is somehow worth watching. Reason one, as I’ve repeatedly said, is the shirtlessness of Jacob. Reason number two, Kristen Stewart (Bella) has really nice hair color. Reason three, Robert Pattinson (Edward) is kinda cute. KINDA.

So, with a big budget that New Moon had, you’d expect something spectacular but, no. I couldn’t help but feel that somehow I was duped into watching this overly-hyped film. I blame you Twilighters for being fangirly and I blame myself for conforming.

The cinematography was just dizzying. The editing was amateurish. The dialogue was awful. The acting was just… ~~awful~~ not up to par. The movie was a bore. It makes me wonder why didn’t we just watch A Christmas Carol. And that’s me being nice.

First, the cinematography. Come on! Those rotating shots were sooo 2000 and late. You do these kinds of shots when you are in high school and you would think that they’re cool. Well, the characters ARE in highschool so maybe they took consideration from that fact. Jeez. My friends and I would stop looking at the screen when they do that. And they do it a lot. What is it? Is it a compulsion? I don’t know why they did that. It was totally unnecessary and there are better ways to tell the story than to do that.

The editing was amateurish. Some parts were way too long and other parts were cut short and by parts, I mean, the parts where shirtless Jacob is in it. (Okay, seriously… I need to stop it.)

Now don’t get me started with the dialogue. Calling New Moon’s scriptwriters! I know you want girls swooning. You did, by the way, but not with the dialogue. There are no memorable lines whatsoever. Its a cheese festival of stupid lines that aren’t even romantic. At all. What’s up with the “…your breathing is why I’m alive…” or something to that effect kind of crap? In addition to that, the actors were just horrible. But maybe they were because their throwing lines that weren’t great as well. It looks like a chicken and egg kind of thing.

All these things add up to the single fact that the movie was a bore with the occasional swooning. But I still enjoyed it because of the fact that I get to spend this movie with my friends.

New Moon should've been called Jacob's Abs